Gene Dante @ Church
February 15, 2011

When sex gets drunk, sex calls up Gene Dante. If you maintain eye contact with Gene Dante for longer than 15 seconds, you will become pregnant. Period. If Gene Dante’s erection persists for longer than four hours, that’s called a Tuesday. Gene Dante has been known to sweat entire olives. Gene Dante doesn’t apply eyeshadow to his eyes—he applies eyes to his shadow. Gene Dante and his band, the Future Starlets, will be onstage at Church, and he will be singing only to you. “M-m-m-me?,” you’ll ask, not willing to believe that such an angelic being could have interest in something so base. “Yes, you,” he’ll respond devilishly, using his sexy telepathy. Selexpathy.

- J. Pat